Last entry, I talked about some social phases my students have been going through. There was a brief period of time, I’ll admit, where I felt a little frustrated by these phases. I just wanted to dig into our content! I was ready to design thematic units about the life cycle, counting, writing, reading, music, and more! As a new kindergarten teacher, I couldn’t understand why my students couldn’t remember to say sorry when they bumped into someone accidentally when I’d already taught them this more than once. (Of course, the easy answer to this is…why can’t I work out every day when I’ve read upwards of 50 articles on how beneficial daily exercise is for you?).
One day this week, a student of mine and two students from another kindergarten class got into a fight at recess. For some reason, I felt the urge to offer to bring all three of them into my class after recess so we could solve the problem together instead of letting it fester. In retrospect, this seems crazy. I already have a class of 28 students with no other adults in the room. But I must have had a little extra coffee that day or something because it felt right! I gave my class some independent math work, and the four of us sat in our “Talk It Out Corner” (which was developed a few weeks ago). We drew pictures of what had happened and what it would look like if they were all friends. Then I helped them practice articulating to each other what they didn’t like and what they wanted to happen the next time. We all felt better and were able to return to our learning calmly (I include myself in that…as most teachers can attest to, it can be very challenging and frustrating to try and teach a class of kids if even one of them is angry or upset).
I felt so great about this interaction. My student and I were both feeling good, and I felt that I was more patient for the rest of the day. It felt like a real victory. Every once in a while last year, I would have a small moment like this, where I felt like I was really clicking in with who I am as a teacher. But most of the time, these moments were overshadowed by what felt like a huge weight of academic content I had to cover for a wide variety of academic levels, not to mention feeling especially bogged down by my inexperience. With the adjustment to a new grade level this year, the large class, and my overall newness to classroom teaching, I hadn’t felt that yet this year. But this interaction made me think about all the little behavioral phases we’ve been going through as a class and my reasons for going into teaching in the first place.
As a City Year, one of my favorite things to work on with students was social emotional skills. As a classroom teacher, I often feel I have little time for small-group social emotional skills, so I think I feel frustrated when I can’t get to content because there are social issues. After this moment with these students, it dawned on me–despite the pressure to be highly academic each minute of the day, social skills are the crux of kindergarten…how awesome that it happens to be my favorite thing to teach.
I want to acknowledge now that this magical moment I had with those students does not always occur. I was lucky that I could let my class occupy themselves for ten minutes without worrying that there would be safety issues among students. In fact, there have been several times this year that I have wanted to do a similar strategy but for whatever reason, it wasn’t possible. In an ideal world, there would be four adults in the room at all times and the “talk it out corner” would be in constant use, rather than just once or twice a week, or whenever I can manage to utilize it. However, knowing it’s there, and knowing it’s worked at least once gives me a little hope that our overall classroom culture could gravitate toward restorative instead of punitive teaching.
As a grad student, I imagined my classroom as a harmonious place 100% of the time. I envisioned daily social justice lessons, consistently happy students, and a very happy teacher. The reality is that there are so many requirements of the average teacher (testing, grading, content standards, IEP meetings, committee meetings, to name a few) that this perfect, happy image isn’t always possible for someone so new to the field like me. Many times since I started teaching, I’ve told myself to throw everything I’d hoped for away and embrace the sometimes stark reality that is classroom teaching. Maybe my expectations were a little too high for where I’m at right now, but maybe they’re not unfounded, and not best ignored after all.
As a City Year, I remember emailing my family seven months into the school year and saying that I had started judging myself not by how well my students were doing behaviorally or academically each day, but by whether or not I had tried my best with the situation in the moment. It wasn’t a “lower bar” to measure myself by–just a different one. It was a bar that has helped to pave the way toward reflecting on my practice more objectively instead of with the background noise of all that I “could have/should have” done.
The “Talk It Out Corner” is certainly a remnant of my more idealistic, younger, and less experienced self. It’s not used perfectly or regularly, and it’s not always helpful when it is used. But it’s there. It’s another option and more importantly, I think it’s a mindset–that kind, individualized, restorative techniques are possible in a public school classroom, but it might look different in every school and with every class. I may have a class one year where something like that could never work or a school that discourages this educational practice. But perhaps if I have the mindset that there are alternatives, my overall practice will strengthen and I will reconnect with the teacher I am meant to be.
The Ms. Elena Diaries 